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Don't be a victim

Blaming other people when things don’t go to plan or you fail is very tempting, because it’s a way of absolving yourself from any responsibility. Suddenly, you’re the victim, which implies there was nothing more you could do and that the failure wasn’t your problem. You can make yourself feel even more helpless by being convinced that someone was actually sabotaging your hard work and efforts.

This mentality can take you to only one place – nowhere. The reality, of course, is that good things and bad things happen to everyone – that’s life. But if look through the eyes of a victim, you will feel hard done by and believe that life is punishing you. This can make you bitter and angry, and you’ll end up blaming everyone else for your misfortune, rather assuming responsibility yourself.

The big problem with this approach is that instead of looking for the reasons behind your failure and then setting about finding a solution, you’ll simply waste your time complaining and not learn anything from the experience. Such people attract others with the same mindset, mixing a dangerous cocktail of negativity that stifles personal progression.

By accepting that you are not a victim – either of any individual or circumstance – you can begin to look for the real reasons behind your failure. This can help you find a possible solution and will give you a better chance of success next time round. What’s more, the whole experience becomes a learning process and will help you develop personally and professionally. Meanwhile, assuming responsibility will engender admiration and respect in those around you, and act as a motivational tool. Don’t relinquish your control of a situation by falling victim to the victim mentality.

You can take some very simple steps to get rid of the victim mentality:

Don’t feel sorry for yourself if things go wrong

Embrace the philosophy that life owes you nothing and success – or failure – is down to you

When things go wrong, ask yourself what you would do differently next time

When you are tempted to blame others, tell yourself that you need to assume responsibility so that you can move forward and find a solution

Rather than thinking: “Why does this always happen to me?”, change your mindset to “What went wrong, and how can I remedy it next time?” Show that you’re big enough to assume responsibility, do away with victim mentality and see failure as a learning process that will simply mean you’ll be stronger next time.

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